


Regard, my dear

by orphan_account



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: All my homies love Mike Hanlon, Bill Denbrough has a crush on Mike Hanlon, Bill Denbrough is a Mess, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Georgie's death is mentioned, Hanbrough, M/M, Mentioned Beverly Marsh, Mentioned Eddie Kaspbrak, Mentioned Stanley Uris, but don't we all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:41:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24607156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Bill Denbrough is having a hard time overcoming guilt and feeling loved. Mike Hanlon is an angel.
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34





	Regard, my dear

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so basically this is the first serious fanfic I've ever written and had the guts to let anyone else read. And yes, it is cheesy as fuck, but in my defense I'm yearning. Also note that English isn't my first language. I still hope you're able to enjoy this <3  
> More book influenced I guess?
> 
> Title is from "Pink + White" by Frank Ocean.

Michael Hanlon felt safe.

The way he always treated everyone with kindness - even after having to face cruel discrimination his entire life in this damned town - was admirable. You'd think if a person had to go through something as fucked up as Mike had to experience growing up, it would eventually turn them bitter, hateful towards the world. But this didn't happen to Mike.

He was possibly the most gentle, loving person Bill Denbrough had ever met.

Everyone who got the chance to know Mike Hanlon during their lifetime were lucky bastards in his opinion.

When Mike had first joined the Losers Club, Bill would not stop talking about his new friend to his parents. They did not seem interested. About anything anymore, really. It almost felt like his mom and dad had permanently lost their warmth after that one tragic day. I mean, of course, it was a horrible thing they had to go through as a family. Losing your child. Many people can't even imagine how a loss like that affects you. But you would expect some sort of emotional support from your parents after such a horrible incident, right? He was the only child now for God's sake, trying to understand and come to terms with the fact that his brother was gone. Never coming back.  
Bill however only felt cold, cold, cold. All he got from his parents were short, meaningless answers whenever he tried to start a conversation about anything. It was either that or just unbearable silence. That's enough to make any child feel completely alone, insignificant.

Bill didn't blame his parents, though.

In fact, he had convinced himself it was all his fault.

If he had just gone out that day, maybe his brother would still be alive.  
Maybe his parents would still love him.  
Maybe this cold, suffocating atmosphere that had formed between him and his parents wouldn't be killing him right now.

These " _what if_ "s kept Bill awake at night.

He never got to see his little brother grow up.

And secretly, he wished it would've been him instead of Georgie.

He didn't dare to tell anyone about these thoughts. He was terrified of being too open, even with his closest friends who he trusted the most.

Bill Denbrough genuinely loved his friends. He knew they wouldn't judge him, knew that they would have his back through this. But Bill couldn't help but feel like a burden. And that was the last thing he wanted to be. He didn't want his friends to pity him. He had to stay strong for them because they all relied on him most of the time. Showing any signs of weakness in this position was absolutely not an option in Bill's mind.

All seven of them had their own problems to deal with. So he had decided to keep these heavy thoughts to himself.

Fortunately, Bill had found something to help him cope. To bring a little joy in the middle of his gloomy thoughts.

He would often ride Silver down to the Hanlon's farm.

William and his wife Jessica were as warm-hearted as their son and always welcomed Bill with open arms. He had come to a conclusion that they had to be the sweetest adults in Derry.

Bill would help Mike and his father with chores at the farm. Mr. Hanlon was always beyond thankful and offered Bill to stay for dinner to show his appreciation.

He got a familiar feeling everytime he visited them.  
See, Bill had separated his life into two different parts; the time before he lost his brother and the time after.

The Hanlons reminded him of the first half. Back when his own family was still full of life. A precious time that had faded away just like that.  
Bill really missed his early childhood. All of the good memories they made together on family trips. Or their house he once considered the safest and warmest place on earth, but which had turned miserable. Their home.  
Now he got to experience a similiar feeling whenever he was around Mike. This had taught him that perhaps home wasn't necessarily a place after all. It was the people, your loved ones, who could make any place on earth feel like home.

Mike made Bill feel a certain type of way that he couldn't explain.

That's why he was once again fleeting by the endless fields surrounding him on both sides of the dirt road.  
Bill enjoyed riding his bike on the country side. The cool air felt refreshing when it blew through his red hair on a warm summer day like this. Also, he didn't have to hear any gasps or scolding comments he was used to hearing around town, coming from older people passing by who thought he rode like a maniac.

Silver was fast enough to beat the devil.

Although there were certain times he would ride more carefully; when he was carrying someone with him on the bike.  
Usually it was either Beverly Marsh or Eddie Kaspbrak. But one time he had gotten the chance to give Mike a ride home and it was probably the most nervous he had ever been. With Mike's arms wrapped around his waist tightly, he was afraid he was going to have a fucking stroke right there and then. Bill wasn't entirely sure what a stroke was, but Eddie had told him that the main symptoms included not being able to feel your face, sudden trouble speaking and dizziness. Bill had felt all of those things in that moment.

"You don't have to slow down just because I'm here, Billy," Mike had told him, flashing one of those gleaming smiles that made Bill melt.  
"A- are you s- su- sure?" Bill forced out of his mouth and Mike nodded. He fully trusted him. He knew Bill had been riding Silver ever since the day his feet could reach the pedals.

That had been the first time Bill was actually glad he had a speech disorder, otherwise Mike would've most likely figured out how jittery he was behind his as-casual-as-possible expression.  
That expression was quickly replaced by a confident grin as he picked up the speed.

Bill snapped out of that sweet memory he was reliving in his mind when he realized he was going to reach his destination soon.

He took a right turn smoothly as he entered the yard and saw Mike sitting outside on the grass with Mr. Chips.  
The dog immediately reacted to a familiar person approaching, lifting his ears and dashing across the yard to greet the boy.  
Bill hopped off of Silver and left it leaning against the fence. It was right next to a tree that cast a shadow over a small area that wouldn't allow the handles or the saddle of the bike heat up too much in the sun. He didn't want to burn his ass later.

Bill crouched down to pet Mr. Chips whose tail was wagging excitedly.  
Soon he heard Mike calling for the dog. Mr. Chips was quick to obey and ran back to his owner who was now waving at Bill to come over as well.

"Hey! How are you, Billy?" Mike asked, the dog's head resting on his lap.

"Good. W- wuh- what have you been u- up to?" He was now standing in front of Mike.

"Oh, not much. I've just been trying to find a four-leaf clover out of boredom. You know, for good luck," Mike shrugged "I gave up, though."

"I- I- I can help you n- now that I'm h- he- here," Bill suggested.

"Aww, that's sweet!" Mike started "But I'm pretty sure there aren't any. I've looked everywhere."

"Fine," Bill answered. "I- I'll g- go find s- so- something else t- then." He smirked and turned around.

"For me?" Mike teased, placing his hands on his cheeks dramatically.

"F- for you," Bill yelled back.

He returned shortly after, carrying a bunch of flowers with him. All of them were tiny and yellow.

"Welcome back, flower boy," Mike sang.

Bill squinted at him - partly to show fake annoyance and partly because the sun was so bright - and sat down. "Can I t- t- try something?"

"Depends on what it is," Mike answered, lifting an eyebrow.

"W- we should put f- f- flowers i- in your hair. If t- that's o- o- okay of course,"

Mike bursted into laughter.

"I- it w- would be c- c- cute!"

"Yeah, sure. Go on," Mike finally said after collecting himself.

"H- hold still," Bill said. He took one of the flowers and carefully placed it in Mike's curls. He added a few more one by one.

Mike was thrown into another uncontrollable fit of giggles.

"This is so silly!"

Bill couldn't stop the stupid, wide smile that was forming on his face while admiring his art project.

"S- sh- shame w- we don't have y- y- your dad's ca- camera with us right n- n- n- now," he thought out loud.

"It sure is," Mike said, sarcasm clear in his voice.

They heard birds chirping in the distance. Bill was sure Stanley Uris would've recognized them simply by sound, but he himself had no idea what kind of bird made noises like that. He just found it calming. In addition to that, he could hear crickets nearby in the taller grass. The weather was pleasant. Mike looked dreamy, but Bill tried his best not to think about that. He feared it would make things weird. Instead, he thought about the bright blue sky above them with no clouds in sight. Until...

Both of them were caught off guard by a couple of raindrops falling on their skin.

"Huh?"

Mr. Chips ran to the porch for shelter after sniffing the flowers on the ground that had been in Mike's hair earlier.

The rain didn't take too long to intensify.

"We should go inside, I don't wanna get soaked."

Bill agreed and so Mike took him by the hand. Instead of running into the house, he led Bill to the barn near them.

Their clothes and hair had already gotten totally wet, but it didn't really matter. To Bill at least. He was more focused on the fact that Mike still hadn't let go of his hand as they got in.

"Right, I haven't shown you this yet," Mike exclaimed. "My dad and I made something neat! Follow me."

Bill followed. They climbed up to the top layer of the barn that was accessible by ladders.

Mike and his father had built a small fort there that consisted of a mattress, pillows and blankets. Bill also spotted fairy lights taped to the wall a bit below the ceiling and a card deck.

"Ta-da!" Mike gestured.

"Wow, t- this l- l- looks su- super n- n- n- nice!"

"Thanks. Also," Mike threw some of the blankets aside and revealed a few juice boxes behind them "My mom brought these just in case, she said it's important to drink a lot during hot days like this."  
He handed one over to Bill and took one for himself, not opening it yet.

"You know, maybe you were right," Mike stretched and lied down "Too bad that we don't have the camera. Usually when it's sunny but rainy at the same time you can see a rainbow."

Bill was too busy drinking his orange juice to answer so he just blinked in response.

The place was not too spacious, but it was very cozy. His eyes travelled around, studying every detail until his sight locked on Mike again.  
They were now sitting in silence. But it was a comfortable silence. The complete opposite of what Bill got from his parents.

Bill broke it.

"W- why do y- y- you want t- to hang out w- wi- with m- me?"

Mike turned his head to look at him and frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Like w- w- what m- made yo- you want to s- suh- spend time w- w- with s- s- someone like m- m-" Bill paused mid sentence when he realized his stutter was only getting worse.

Mike looked even more confused.

"Y- y- y- you're like... t- th- the-" Words got stuck in his throat and he could feel his eyes water. He hated this. He hated being vulnerable. "Y- you're too g- g- good. And I- I think t- th- there's s- s- something wrong w- with me-"

"Hey," Mike interrupted him and shifted closer to lay a hand on Bill's shoulder. "There is nothing wrong with you. I honestly enjoy your company. You're so important to me, Bill. You're my best friend. That's just how it is."

Mike sounded sincere.

The string of reassuring words kept going and Bill was overwhelmed. His chest ached.

He couldn't lift his gaze up, chewing on the straw of his juice box nervously.

"C- can I k- k- kiss you?"

The words came out so quiet they were barely audible. Instant regret. He cursed at himself in his mind for ruining everything. But Mike had heard him.

For a moment, only the sound of raindrops hitting against the roof filled the room.

"Okay."

Okay? Bill wasn't prepared for this answer at all. He had not thought everything through before opening his mouth. It just kinda slipped.

"O- okay," Bill repeated Mike's words, feeling like all of the blood in his body had rushed into his cheeks.

He got closer to his friend and hesitated for a moment. It was Mike who closed the distance between them.

At first Bill felt like his brains had turned into liquid. His heart was pounding so hard he was scared Mike was able to hear it.

But it wasn't bad?

Bill had always imagined his first kiss to be extremely awkward and embarrassing. This wasn't. Yes, the timing was a bit odd, but it felt natural, even though it was very brief.

Silence fell over them again.

Bill had no clue what this was. In fact he didn't really care. All he knew and cared about was that Mike made him happy. He felt protected from all of the painful, crushing thoughts. And Mike accepted him. He didn't think there was anything wrong with Bill. A huge relief.

He cleared his throat.

"Mike?"

"Yes?"

"I'm glad you exist," He buried his face into Mike's shirt. From this day on he would always associate summer with Mike's exquisite scent.

"I like you very much."

"I like you very much too, Billy," Mike stated while stroking his friend's hair gently.

It felt soothing. Like he could fall asleep.

Neither of them noticed it before drifting off, but during those last sentences, Bill didn't stutter once.


End file.
